On Sat. July 6, 2002 my only child was shot twice in the back and killed instantly. He never saw it coming and did not know what hit him.

He had a neat personality; he was funny, made others laugh with his funny sense of humor. He was more than my son, my buddy, my best friend, and my world.

I still go to the cemetery everyday I am off work. My life has never been the same and never will be. I can’t see my child who I love so much because he is nowhere close so I can touch, feel, hug, or hear. My child who means so much to me I will never see. I shut my eyes, shake my head and then I realize he’s really dead.

That in itself is a terrible feeling and keeps my emotions rocking and in disbelief. I see his pictures everyday and it’s hard to believe that he will never get any older.

Dreams of my son’s future will never come true. My dreams of ever becoming a grandmother or mother-in-law are shattered. No grandchildren will ever take or occupy my time and no daughter-In Law to call “my”. I can’t even wish for him to come back because I know this is reality. These are only a few true facts that will never be or happen in my lifetime.

My son Paul Jr. was very well liked and had no enemies. He did not belong to no gang , nor did he hang out. My son's death was senseless. He was an innocent victim of a hate crime all for the sake a gang.

Honestly, I still have no words to describe my feelings. I still feel as if it just happened yesterday. I still cry, and I'm still numb. I still feel lost, lonely, empty, and feel that big hole in my heart. I just know I still dread the evenings. Nothing ANYONE says, or does makes me feel any better. I feel so alone;

I don't know anyone who lost their ONLY child to murder. I still keep him safe in my heart and for every silly, thing I say or do; I know he is with me.

I MISS HIM SO MUCH.